How Do You Talk
To Yourself?: The Relentless Boss Syndrome
by Sharon Teitelbaum
Have you ever worked for
a manager who responded to every piece of work you did by giving
you a new assignment? Who never said things like:
I know you worked long and hard on this.
I appreciate all the effort that went into this.
Great work! On time and under budget!
I know you were here til the wee hours of the morning. Take the
A constant diet
of "Now do this," without generous helpings of "Thank
you" is not sustainable. Without acknowledgement, eventually,
we stop working hard.
Not getting credit
Are you a
Relentless Boss to yourself?
How do you treat
yourself? Do you regularly appreciate and celebrate your accomplishments?
Or do you just step over them to get on with the next job? Iíll
bet you could use a tune-up when it comes to patting yourself
on the back. My new clients often discover they have a habit
of saying to themselves, "Faster! Now do this! Faster! Now
do this!" What do you say to yourself?
Most of us are
poor at acknowledging ourselves. We distrust it. We fear that
it leads directly to "resting on our laurels." But
it's really just the opposite. "Thank you" is a critical
part of the cycle. It's only after we really GET the "thank
you" we are fully ready for the next task.
My clients often
report that one benefit they get from coaching is this: I ask
them to send me a list of what they've done since our last call.
They are surprised to see how much they got done. Their feeling
had been that they didn't do enough! Once they see the list,
they say, "I really did a lot this week."
is very motivating! Especially if the credit is from you.
If you find yourself
feeling tired and stopped when it comes to a task that you really
do believe in, stop and ask yourself: Are there accomplishments
I haven't acknowledged? If so, give yourself a pat on the back.
Coaching Tips for Acknowledging Yourself
Here are some practical, easy ways you can acknowledge yourself.
1. Keep a success
journal. Every night write down what you accomplished or completed
2. When people
ask, "How are you?" say something like, "Great.
I recently . . . (lost 3 pounds, finished my taxes, joined a
dating service . . . )."
3. Buy some pre-stamped
postcards. When you finish a major job, send yourself a signed
card in the mail that reads, "Congratulations on getting
the yard cleaned up. Great work!"
4. When you reach
a milestone, celebrate it with other people.
5. Start a file
called "Reward Ideas." Collect ideas for large and
small ways to celebrate your accomplishments. Then use them!
Some starter ideas:
- Walk or run
with a friend
- Have a glass
of wine with dinner
- Go to a sports
- Take yourself
to a movie matinee
- Buy yourself
a new toy
- Take a relaxing
bath with music, candles, & bubbles
- Make a donation
to your Hawaii fund
6. Find a buddy
who also wants to get better at this. Have a weekly phone call
where you each rave about what you did that week. No other conversation
is allowed during this call.
7. Keep an "I
DID" list at home and at work. This is the counterpart to
your "To Do" list.
8. Take a friend,
colleague, or family member out to lunch to mark an accomplishment.
Tell them what the occasion is.
9. Make a list
of your 25 proudest accomplishments, from any part of your life.
Post it where you will see it daily.
yourself for finding your way to The Entrepreneurial Parent!
- Sharon Teitelbaum is a Personal Coach in practice since
1995. She works with women and men at midlife, people in career
change, professionals, and individuals seeking life balance.
In prior careers, she was a training and education specialist
in the corporate world, and a systems analyst and database developer
in a research firm and in her own business. Married for 25 years,
she is the mother of 2 amazing young women. You can reach Sharon
by Phone: 617-926-8393, Fax: 6171-924-4818, Email: [email protected]
and at her Website: www.STCoach.com.